


A Hot Date

by FreightTrainFrank



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bonding over a love of Destruction, Circus, Explosions, F/M, Romance, Shipping, Slapstick, Villains hanging out, Villains on a Date, Volcanoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9445730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreightTrainFrank/pseuds/FreightTrainFrank
Summary: Bill and Pyronica use a volcano as an improvised hot tub as they fondly talk about all the past chaos and destruction they've wrought.





	

Bill Cipher floated down into the glowing orange lava that the massive volcano was nearly overflowing with. He sighed on a way that was oddly happily for somebody currently bathing in lava. He looked up at the constantly shifting and swirling stars of the Nightmare Realm. Completely chaotic, just the way he liked it. He then looked over at Pyronica, who was already sitting waist-deep in the volcano's lava. Clenched between her grinning teeth, like usual, was a gargantuan, ridiculously fat pink and purple cigar, the tip glowing a hot pink.

"So, Ronnie, how's it been going?" asked Bill.

"Oh, mostly the same." said Pyronica, leaning back slightly as the smoke from her cigar formed a heart. "Blowing stuff up, swallowing some cute guys down, spitting them out a year or two later."

She giggled and blew a smoke kiss over to Bill.

"Flirting again, huh?" said Bill.

"Yep, I guess I am." said Pyronica, eye fluttering in what might have been a wink had Pyronica had more than a single eye.

Pyronica said "Say, remember that time we were playing baseball and I 'accidentally' smacked you into outer space with the bat?"

"And how I 'accidentally' blasted you into dust when I came back?" said Bill.

"Sure do." giggled Pyronica, the smoke from her cigar forming a smiling face. "Ooh, how about the time the others and I made a huge cake for you that I hid inside?"

Bill said "Yeah, I could kinda guess it was you inside it. Not many cakes I know that have a gigantic stogie sticking out of them."

"Remember when I made the cake blow up from the inside?" giggled Pyronica.

"Yeah, that was probably the best thing you could've done with it." said Bill. "I'm usually not really big on this whole 'eating' thing."

Pyronica grinned even wider than normal. "I sure am."

Bill floated out of the lava and onto Pyronica's massive cigar. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I've been in your stomach plenty of times before."

"So have most beings I've met." said Pyronica, the cigar bobbing up and down in her mouth as she talked.

"Yeah, I've noticed." said Bill. "Ya got anybody in there right now?" he asked, looking down at her stomach.

"Nope." said Pyronica. "At least not yet." she looked at him with a flirtatious look.

Bill rolled his single eye before jumping off of the cigar like a diving board, landing back in the lava.

"I gotta say, you're my kinda gal, Ronnie. You say 'I like you' by eating somebody, 'I really like you' by firing them out of a cannon, and 'I love you' by rolling them into a cigar."

"And you say 'you're a good pal' by turning somebody's brains inside out." grinned Pyronica, splashing in the lava.

"Don't I know it." said Bill, poking the cherry of Pyronica's cigar and not being burned at all.

Pyronica snapped her fingers and a pink purse appeared in her hands. She took out a hairbrush and used it to brush her pink hair, which instantly grew to waist-length.

"So, Bill, anything you want to do after this?" asked Pyronica, the tip of her cigar glowing bright lavender.

"Oh, I don't know." said Bill. "Maybe I could blast you out of a cannon and you could rain fire and mayhem all over a few unsuspecting forests."

Pyronica's eye lit up and the smoke from her cigar formed a heart. "Sounds great! You're the best, Bill."

Pyronica closed her eye and leaned over to give Bill a big kiss. Pyronica evidently wasn't paying much attention to how she was kissing, because she ended up accidentally slurping him into her mouth and swallowing him whole.

When she opened her eye, Pyronica looked around for Bill before she noticed that her stomach was slightly bigger than it was a few minutes ago. "Sorry." she said, rather nonchalantly.

"Eh, no big deal, toots. It happens half the time you give kisses anyway. I'll probably turn you into a pile of slime when I get out, though." said Bill casually, sitting down in Pyronica's stomach.

"I can accept that." said Pyronica with a giggle. She blew a smoke cloud shaped like Bill.

"So, remember how we met?" asked Pyronica, patting her stomach.

"Well, it was a few eons ago, but I think I remember the gist. It was back during your circus days, right?" said Bill.

"Yep. I'm still the best demonic cannonball in the multiverse, if you ask me!" said Pyronica.

"Yeah, you did look pretty nice getting fired out of that cannon time and time again. You sure had some destructive potential."

"Remind me again how we first met." said Pyronica. She remembered it full well, but she liked having it repeated to her.

Bill gave the inside of Pyronica's stomach and poke and said "Well, it was after the show, one where you got shot into a sun and blew it up. Top form on that explosion by the way. Anyway, I stopped by after the show and you were talking to some of the fans, letting some of 'em sit on that stogie of yours. Your version of autographs seemed to be swallowing them, of course, but they seemed used to that. A few of them even asked to be shot outta your cannon, which you seemed pretty eager to do. So I came up to you with an offer to join up with me, and I guess you misinterpreted it, because you ended up swallowing me down."

Pyronica giggled and took a drag on her cigar.

"So, I'm in your gut for a while before you spit me out. That's when I try to clarify by saying that I'd like to get a loot at your explosive power. Again, you misinterpreted it, because you tossed me in your cannon and blasted me clear across the dimension. By the time I landed, I knew there was something I liked about you, even if I also wanted to get you back by freezing you solid and launching you into a blizzard, or something to that effect."

"So how did we meet the second time?" asked Pyronica, twirling a gloved finger through her hair.

Bill told her the story, and after that the two exchanged other stories of the times they spent together, often involving explosions, destruction, and mayhem. After a while, Pyronica spat Bill out, and he flew a few feet before landing back in the volcano with a splash.

"So, d'ya like being in my belly?" asked Pyronica with a grin.

"Eh, guess I prefer it to other stomachs. Thought that's a bit hard to say, since yours is the only one I remember being in."

"Wow! I guess that makes me special." said Pyronica cheerfully.

"Whatever you say, toots." said Bill, rolling his only eye.

Right about then, a bit of pink ash fell from the ember of Pyronica's cigar and into the lava. Soon after, the lava started bubbling as the entire volcano started shaking. Bill reacted with nonchalance, while Pyronica reacted with gleeful anticipation.

The volcano erupted with a mighty explosion, blasting the two demons far into the sky, where they vanished together with a bright twinkle.

The eruption had been powerful enough to launch the two clear into outer space, where they floated in silence before Pyronica let out a laugh and said "Wow, that was amazing!" The tip of her cigar, which was somehow still lit in the depths of space, glowed bright pink.

She turned to Bill and asked "Hey, could I kiss you again? Promise I won't swallow you this time."

"Go ahead, babe." said Bill.

Pyronica immediately placed another kiss on Bill, this time successfully not slurping him into her mouth. As soon as her lips released from him with a smack, it gave off a tremendous explosion, covering the two in soot.

"And that's what happens with the other half of kisses you give." said Bill casually as Pyronica laughed uproariously.


End file.
